Mailboxes
by LaurenBlack13
Summary: BTR has to face their futures, but will it bring them together or tear them apart? Kogan. Oneshot.


**Okay, first fanfiction. I'm not all that much of a writer, but I am slightly obsessed with Kogan... so enjoy!**

**Like every other disclaimer in the world, this one's stating that I don't **(unfortunately)** own anything or anyone associated Big Time Rush.  
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><p>Big Time Rush was dead. Well, not in the literal sense anyway.<p>

They hadn't gotten fired, or quit; they just wanted to get on with their lives. They couldn't be in a boy band forever; their future was calling. It was a mutual agreement between the four of them when they had first started out. So they boarded a plane and headed home.

Snowflakes drifted around their heads as they exited the car. It seemed like it was always snowing in Minnesota.

Kendall Knight's old house stood in a stark contrast to the pure-white snow around them. Painted a silver-gray, the unlived in house seemed unfamiliar and lonely to the boys who had live in L.A. the past four years.

Jennifer Knight pushed past her son and his three friends. Determined, she marched up to the front step, dragging a sullen Katie behind her. She quickly shifted through her purse to find the house keys. Truthfully, she was surprised she hadn't lost them. She found the correct key and pushed it into its rightful socket. The unused door swung open with a loud "screeee!"

"That's the first thing to be fixed," she called down to the boys as she turned to look at her once clean house.

Everything, from the carpets to the doors to the cabinets were coated in four years worth of dust and grime. Apparently the house watcher did nothing more than simply _watch_ the house.

Slowly she pivoted back around to face Katie and the boys, who were now standing there, jaws to the ground. She looked the straight in the eyes and said: "Time to clean."

Two days later, they were still cleaning. Mrs. Knight was working on the bathrooms, Katie her bedroom, James and Carlos were cleaning the kitchen, and Kendall and Logan were trying to return the carpet in the living room back to its original color.

"Come on, Logan, let's get under the couch." Kendall said, standing up. He put his hands on his lower back and leaned backward, trying to right out his curved spine. "My back will never be the same after all this cleaning." he said with a smile.

Logan was still sitting on the ground, legs crossed. He stared at Kendall like he was crazy. "You know I have no upper body strength, right? How do you expect me to help you lift a couch?"

Kendall walked over to his best friend and held out a hand. Logan welcomed the help as Kendall pulled him upright. He had overestimated Logan's weight or underestimated his own strength, but either way, Logan ended up on Kendall's chest and Kendall ended up on the floor.

Logan turned bright red and quickly got off of Kendall, who was laughing, "Sorry, Logan. My bad." He smiled at Logan and lifted himself off the floor. "Which way do you want to go?" Kendall asked.

"What?" Logan sputtered out.

"Which way do you want to move the couch?"

"Oh," Logan blushed again, "Left."

"Do you want to go backwards or forwards?" Kendall asked, slightly amused at Logan.

"F-forwards. Me moving a couch backwards is not a good idea."

"Gottcha," Kendall said and went to the right side of the couch while Logan forced himself towards the left. "One...two...three...lift!"

A week later the Knight's house was cleaned and unpacked. The boys of Big Time Rush had been sent to their rightful homes to reset and unpack their own things. Now they had to figure out what they were going to do next.

The next day at Carlos' house their argument was in full swing. Kendall was swearing and yelling the loudest, James was cursing back just as loud, Carlos was in-between them yelling at them for yelling, and Logan sat on the Garcia's couch, silent, taking it all in.

Sylvia walked into the room and the boys instantly quieted. They looked at Carlos' mom's stern glare and sat sown, ready for a lecture.

She didn't say anything right away, but instead sat down next to Carlos and began playing with his hair.

"Mom!" Carlos said as he tried to shoo her off.

"What? I haven't seen you in a short forever. Let me baby you!" This seemed to shut him up because he let his mom continue to coddle him. "Why not go back to your original dreams?" she asked.

Four pairs of eyes swiveled towards her voice. They stared at her like the thought had never occurred to them.

James finally broke the silences as he said, "What do you mean, Mama Garcia?"

Sylvia sighed, "You boys never wanted to be singers-" James coughed and raised his eyebrows, "Accept you James. But, you never wanted to be famous. Before that, you all had your own dreams and goals, so reach for that dream now instead of holding on to the past."

With that, she kissed Carlos on the head and left the room. James, Kendall, Logan, and Carlos watched her go in silence, but in their heads they knew she was right.

Two days later, the four boys stood around a mailbox with envelopes clutched in their hands. The mailbox stood there, taunting them, asking them if they really would face their futures.

Carlos was the first to step forward, put his letter into the mailbox and tell the others what was in it.

"I realized that I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. The past four years made me realize that music is my passion, not just my career. That's why I applied to three of the biggest performing arts schools in the country. I love music. I'm not ready to give it up yet."

The others looked at him in surprise. Not because of what he had decided to do with his life, but that they had never noticed that their little Carlos had grown up a little. They hadn't realized that out of all of them, Carlos was reacting the best to their futures.

Encouraged by Carlos, James strode up to the mailbox.

"I still wanna be famous, but I guess that already happened." He looked down at his shoes, "I'm gonna go to college. For what, I don't know. Maybe I'll teach music. Teach others how to be famous and reach for their dreams. I- I- I don't know."

With that James shook his head, shoved the envelope angrily into the slot, turned on his heel and walked away. From them, his past, or his future, neither James nor his friends knew.

Carlos stared after him. "Should I…. go?" He pointed a thumb in the direction James had just left.

"Yeah, he needs you, Carlos. Go," Logan shook his head, "He'll listen to you."

Not needing any further prompting, Carlos took off down the snow covered road after James.

Logan and Kendall stood there alone and in silence a long moment after they had left. Neither wanted to talk, but both knew they had to.

Logan stared at Kendall for a second, and then said, "I'm going back to my original plan. I'm going to med school. I'm going to be a doctor." Again, Logan shook his head. He pushed his envelope into the mailbox and walked away, leaving Kendall alone. Kendall reacted immediately, running after Logan, letter still grasped in his hand.

"Do you want to know what is in my envelope?" Kendall asked once he had caught up with the other boy. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing." He took a step in front of Logan, forcing him to stop and listen.

"I don't want to be away from you guys," Kendall raved, hands clutching his hair, "You're my best friend, Logan. I don't want to be away from you."

Logan looked Kendall straight in the eyes, "What?"

'I don't want to be away from you, Logan!" Kendall yelled, grabbing Logan's shoulders, tingles raced through his body. "You're my best friend! You've gotten me through everything! I don't care if the others leave, but I need you by me! I- I love you, Logan. I always have."

Kendall released Logan's shoulders and took a step back from him. He was breathing hard. He met Logan's eyes before turning and leaving when Logan didn't say anything in return.

Logan didn't stop him from walking away, but he didn't want him to go either. He hadn't known how to respond. He wasn't shocked or uncomfortable at all. Did that mean that he liked Kendall back? The thought didn't disgust him.

As he watched Kendall's body fade into the distance, he realized that the butterflies that had crept into his belly when Kendall had first grasped his shoulders hadn't gone away.

Kendall had decided that he was an idiot. He should have told Logan how he felt years ago, not at the last second when declarations of love don't matter because everything's already over. Kendall shoved his hands farther into his pockets and continued to trudge home through the snow.

All the way home, he mentally abused himself. Thoughts of what could've been flashed through his mind as he reached his front door. He didn't know why he hadn't had the guts to tell Logan sooner, but he had to tell his mom now. She deserved to know he was gay. Maybe he'd even tell Katie, but with her brains she probably already knew.

Filled with a new determination, he strode into his house and yelled, "Mom!" and headed into the front room.

Jennifer, upon hearing Kendall's yell, hurried to the living room. As she entered, she found Kendall slouching on the couch with his head in his hands. She sat down next to him, worried, as she began rubbing small circles on his back. Kendall seemed to instantly calm with his mother's presence.

"Kendall, sweetie, what's wrong?"

Kendall raised his head towards his mother's voice, tears brimming in his eyes.

Jennifer's heart almost shattered into a million pieces when he looked at her. His jade-green eyes were filled with such agony that it almost caused her physical pain.

"Mom," Kendall hiccupped, "What would you do if you loved someone and they didn't love you back?"

Jennifer was slightly surprised by the question, but answered truthfully, "Well," she stroked his hair, "if I truly loved them, I would do everything I could to convince them that I really do love them. That I loved them no matter what anyone else thought or said." She stared at her son, curious' "Why the weird question, Kendall?"

Kendall abruptly stood and began pacing. He ran his hand through his hair, and then looked at his mom, "I'm gay."

She was sitting up very straight; her eyes round as she asked, "How did you know? Who? Ummm….wow." She looked up at Kendall, who seemed slightly happier.

"I started to think maybe I was gay around the time I started dating Jo. I loved her- I did- but it was more like I love Katie. I kept going out with her after that because I though that maybe I would feel more for her, but I never did." He paused and looked at this mom, then continued when she didn't say anything. "Logan. I've been in love with Logan for… well, forever. I just didn't see it." Kendall smiled at the memory of Logan, especially the way he felt on top of Kendall chest when they had fallen over earlier.

Jennifer spoke slowly, taking it all in, "Do you love him? Really love him?"

"Yeah, he makes me smile, he's always there for me, and he knows me better than anyone. He's my best friend." He shrugged, and then looked at his mom. Jennifer seemed to think for the longest moment of his life.

"If you really love him, I will support you. You are my son and I love you. Nothing could jeopardize that. If you love him, go after him. Don't let him go. You'll regret it if you don't." She stood and turned to leave. Kendall stopped her with a hug. "I love you, mom." She kissed him on the forehead and smiled. "I know," she said and watched Kendall run up into his room.

Logan stood there in the cold watching Kendall's body fade into the snow. He couldn't say he was completely shocked at Kendall's announcement. Sometimes he would catch Kendall staring at him out of the corner of his eye. That had always made him smile. He had always felt like Kendall would protect him. They were best friends, always there for one another.

Logan remembered when Jo had left for New Zealand to film her movie. Kendall had _seemed _so heartbroken. Kendall had stayed in his room for days, not talking to anyone. Eventually, Mrs. Knight had sent him up to drag him down kicking and screaming or she was going to do it herself.

But, Kendall had let him into his room with no fight. They had sat up there talking and laughing the rest of the afternoon. Logan remembered Kendall attacking him randomly, starting a tickle war. He had laughed so hard, harder than he had at any point in his life. Kendall had continued to tickle him mercilessly until Logan had agreed to call him King of the Tickles, which only made him laugh even more. Mrs. Knight found the later, laughing our heads off at some ridiculous monkey video on YouTube. They always seemed to laugh together and he loved Kendall's laugh. It was loud and obnoxious, but it fit his personality.

The more Logan thought of Kendall, the more confused about Kendall he became. They had so many awesome memories together. Maybe he did kinda like Kendall back. What if he liked him more than 'kinda'?

He thought about Kendall physically, his golden-blonde hair and sparkling green eyes that always seemed to glow a little brighter when they were together or when he was singing. Logan loved Kendall's voice too. It was smooth and relaxing. That voice had calmed him down more times than he could count.

He was so confused. He wanted to talk to Kendall, but he couldn't talk to Kendall about Kendall, so he texted Carlos.

_**U find James yet?**_

He got an answer back almost immediately.

**Yeah. At his house. Everything's all good.**

_**Can I come over? Gotta talk bout something.**_

**Yeah dude. Come on over.**

Logan slipped his phone back into his pants pocket and headed for James' house.

The whole walk over he thought about Kendall. His smile, his crooked nose, broken in a hockey game when they were eleven, the feel of Kendall's chest underneath him when they had landed on the floor. He didn't even realize that he was at James' house until he practically ran into the front door. He let himself in and ran to James' room where he found Carlos and James playing some game on his Xbox.

"Dude! I OWN YOU!" Carlos yelled at James, then jumped up and proceeded to do a very obnoxious victory dance on James' bed. He grinned when he saw Logan standing at the doorway. He jumped over James, off the bed and asked Logan, "Hey, dude. What did you need to talk about?"

"Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't go to Kendall." James said standing up.

"Well, I can't talk about Kendall with Kendall." He said with a small smile, and then covered his face with his hands. He walked over to the bed and flopped down.

"What about Kendall?" James asked and sat down on the bed next to Logan. Carlos followed suit and sat on the other side of Logan.

A muffled response came from underneath Logan's hands, "He told me he liked me… more than a friend." He removed his hands from his face and looked up at his friends who were now sharing a knowing grin.

"I was wondering when he was gonna tell ya," Carlos stated, then looked at James and shrugged his shoulders like 'What can ya do?'

"Wait!" Logan yelled, sitting straight up, almost smacking his forehead into his friends'. "You guys knew? And you didn't tell me?"

"Sorry. But we were sworn to secrecy. We've know sense Jo. Kendall said he liked her, but it wasn't emotional." James said.

"Then he said he might like boys." Carlos said, "I think his words were 'I think I like guys. Guys in bands. Guys in bands named Logan. Guys with chocolate-brown eyes. Guys who are my best friend.' Or something like that." Carlos said with a chuckle. Logan glared at him.

"He's got it bad for you." James stated and slapped him on the back. His joking tone went away when he asked: "Question is, do you like him back?"

"I don't know!" Logan practically screamed throwing his hands into the air and flopping back down onto the bed. "I really don't know," he said in a tired voice, "Maybe." He said even softer.

"Well, there's only one way to find out! And you're not gonna figure it out bumming around here!" Carlos said, "Give it a try. Who knows, maybe it'll just be right."

"Call him. He's not gonna call you. You probably hurt his big bad Knight ego." James said snickering.

"So, you guys are all right with this? With us?" Logan asked, still slightly shocked.

"Yeah, it's cool with us." They said and shrugged. They stood and pulled Logan off the bed and pushed him towards the door.

"Go call him. He'll need that." James said.

Logan's protests fell on deaf ears as they pushed him out of the house into the snow and tossed him his coat.

"Call him!" They yelled and shut the door. Logan headed home, knowing what he had to do.

Kendall had the music blasting in his room when his cell rang.

"Hello?" He yelled into the receiver.

"Kendall? Kendall, is that you? It's Logan. Can you come over? I gotta talk to you." Logan yelled back.

"Um…. Yeah. Be over in a half an hour." _Click._

Kendall stopped in front of Logan's door. He stopped to think. _Should I really be here? I should have told Logan sooner._ He knocked on the door. A few seconds later Logan opened the door.

"Come on in." He said and held his arm out past him in invitation. Kendall walked in and Logan shut the door behind him.

When Kendall didn't say anything, Logan decided he had better. "Look, I've got to get some stuff off my chest." Kendall held up a hand and stopped him right there. He didn't want to hear the rest of this.

"Look, I get it. You don't like me like that. I should've told you sooner."

"Kendall, I—"Logan stammered.

"Don't. I get it." Kendall turned around and headed for the door. Right as he touched the handle Logan cut in front of him.

"No! You don't get it!" He yelled.

"Yeah, I do! Get outta my way, Logan. I'm going home."

Logan shook his head, "You really don't get it, do you?" Logan said with a small smile.

"Get what?" Kendall asked, really steamed now.

_Stupid Knight temper_, Logan thought as he looked up, grabbed the back of Kendall's head and pulled his lips down to his own.

A shock flashed through Kendall's whole body as Logan released him. "Okay, you can go now, if you want." Logan said and stepped away from the door.

Kendall smiled and reached for Logan. "Why didn't you start with that?" Kendall asked with a smirk.

"Because… I figured…. I don't know." Logan stammered. "I figured you'd be mad about yesterday and just now." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Why would I be mad?" Kendall asked. "Logie, I could never be mad at you. Besides, I feel a whole lot better now." He tilted his head down for a short, sweet kiss. Kendall was ecstatic that Logan actually kissed him back.

"You know we have to tell our parents, right?" Logan said.

"I kinda already told my mom." Kendall said, "She was cool with it."

"I have a feeling mine won't be so happy." Logan said kissing Kendall on the nose, trying to hide the worry in his eyes.

"We'll worry about that later. Speaking of your parents, where are they?" Kendall questioned.

"They went up to my aunt's for the weekend. Why?"

"Cause right now we have a few years worth of making out to catch up on." Kendall said with a mischievous grin and an eyebrow wiggle.

"Well, we're home alone." Logan said, suddenly nervous. "Just us."

"I'm not going that far, just kissing, Logie." Kendall stepped closer to Logan, "Don't you want to kiss me, Logan?" His lips were centimeters from Logan's when he pulled back and started walking away.

"You tease!" Logan yelled, and chased after him. He found Kendall stretched out on his bed, patting to spot next to him.

"Come lay with me, Logan."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Logan asked, nervous again.

Kendall shook his head and chuckled softly, "Logan, I'm not gonna jump you as soon as you lay down. Come here. I just want to be close to you. I'll even let you control the TV remote if you want." He said and held the remote in the air. With that last statement Logan caved and crawled into the spot next to Kendall's body. Logan slowly relaxed into the warmth of his boyfriend's body and grabbed the remote from him. He felt Kendall's arms snake around his waist as he turned the TV on.

"See, no jumping." Kendall said with a smile, looking down to Logan. Kendall couldn't believe that Logan liked him back. He smiled and kissed the boy's brown-haired head.

"What was that for?" Logan asked.

"Just cause," Kendall replied.

"What do you want to watch?" Logan asked, flipping through channels.

"Whatever you want to watch." Kendall whispered into Logan's ear. He felt the shiver that went through Logan's body and smiled. Eventually, they ended up watching an old episode of_ Spongebob._

Kendall quickly grew tired of the show and turned his attention on Logan, smiling when Logan laughed. "Hey, Logan?"

"Yeah?" Logan turned his face up towards Kendall's.

"Can I kiss you?" Kendall asked, blushing. Logan nodded and Kendall's lips descended onto his.

Logan was slightly unsure at first, but loosened up as the kiss deepened. He felt Kendall's body start to roll over top of his, surrounding him with warmth. He liked the feel of Kendall on top of him; it wasn't disgusting in the least. He felt protected and loved. Soon, things became more heated. Kendall was trailing kisses down Logan's neck and Logan had his hands fisted in Kendall's hair. Both were breathing hard. Hands were roaming around the other's body, trying to memorize every shape. Kendall's hands had found the bottom of Logan's shirt when they heard a cough behind them.

They jumped apart so fast they almost fell off the bed. Kendall desperately wanted to kill whoever had interrupted them, and then go back to kissing Logan. Logan recovered a little faster that Kendall and saw who was standing at the door.

Carlos and James stood at the edge of the room laughing their heads off.

"Tol—told ya there was no way Kendall would let Logan be in charge!" Carlos chocked out as he doubled over with more laughter. James was laughing so hard he was crying.

"How much do I owe ya?" James asked while wiping the tears off his face.

"Twenty!" Carlos said before another bout of laughter claimed him.

"What are you doing here, guys?" Kendall growled out, looking fairly pissed at his friends.

"We came over to see if Logan had called you yet." James said, "He was really confused yesterday."

"Looks like he's not so confused anymore!" Carlos laughed earning him a glare from each of his friends which instantly sobered him up. "Sorry."

Kendall looked over at Logan, who was still slightly pink in the face, and smiled. Logan noticed his staring and cocked his head to the side as if to say 'What?' Kendall just shook his head and continued to smile.

**Three Months Later**

Again they stood by a mailbox, but this time it was only Kendall and Logan. And this time, only Kendall had an envelope in his hand.

"I don't know about this." He said.

"What's the hurt in trying?" His boyfriend asked, "What's the worst that could happen?"

Kendall smiled down at Logan. They had been dating for three months now, and Kendall had never been any happier. They had told Mrs. Knight the day after they had kissed at Logan's house, but they had yet to tell Logan's parents. They were very critical of their son.

"Well, go on. Mail it." Logan urged. Kendall let do of Logan's hand and slowly walked up to the mailbox and pushed the letter into the slot. Immediately he felt a sense of relief flood over him. Still, he stood there, staring at the mailbox until Logan came up and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You'll get in." Logan whispered, sending tingles up Kendall's spine. "You are and amazing hockey player." He kissed his shoulder.

Kendall smiled and turned to face his boyfriend. "You're just as amazing, Logie." Kendall whispered and kissed him. "I love you, Logan.

"I love you, too, Kendall." Logan said, and kissed him back.


End file.
